More Soon

37. Dry Counties - Who in their right mind thought this was a good idea? Jesus can turn water into wine, but he doesn't want you to be able to buy beer within ten miles of your home? How in the hell does that work? There's no such thing as a dry county up North, as far as I know. But in the south? Watch out, buddy. The only "dry county" I approve of is in a Bon Jovi song. This is ridiculous.

38. Cell Phone Multi-Taskers - You see these morons every day, don't you? The fucking bozos who won't get off their cell phones for anything. They stand in line at Subway or at the gas station and go on with their conversations without responding to anything anyone says to them. The guy behind the counter is giving them instructions and they're completely oblivious. Grabbing their wallets and counting cash suddenly becomes a five minute endeavor. Now unless the Earth is going to crash into the fucking sun unless you stay on the phone, there's absolutely no excuse for this. It's rude and it's stupid. Just tell the moron on the other end of the phone that you'll call him back in five minutes. Is that so hard? I didn't think so. Hang up your fucking phone, asshole.

39. Late Arrivals At Theaters - Why do people continue to walk into movies late? I went to the theater this weekend to a 3:15pm showing (I got there at 3:00pm sharp). People were STILL WALKING IN at 3:47pm and trying to find a seat in the dark after missing all of the previews and the first 15 minutes of the movie. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! If you're late, you're late! Go to a different show or come back later! I don't know which is worse...the fact that these bozos continue to screw up my moviegoing experience or the fact that theaters continue to sell tickets to shows 20 - 30 minutes after they've started. These people AND the theaters are just plain stupid. I mean...WTF?

40. Texas Cigarette Tax Hike - Recent legislation in Texas is bumping the price of a pack of cigarettes by $1.00 in pure tax revenue. Okay... That's fine...if they were going to spend the money on education programs or health care or something relevant. What is this tax money going for? F***ing Property Tax Relief! RELIEF! You know...because property taxes go such a long way toward making Texas schools the best in the nation. *cough* Here's an idea...just put the money toward schools directly and leave property taxes where they're at! I don't think anyone would oppose a "freeze." But relief? WTF????

41. Ridiculous Prices On Airport Food - What kind of a sick world do we live in where a bottle of Diet Mountain Dew costs $2.39? Why, in the airport world. No shit. That's how much I paid to hydrate myself at the Madison airport on a recent trip home. That's to say nothing of the $12.00 breakfast you can get that would be $3.00 at any local McDonald's. It's not bad enough dealing with cramped seating and long security lines? Apparently not... Pretty soon they'll start charging for air.

42. Voyeurs At Accident Scenes - I was on my way to Milwaukee a week or so and there was a HUGE accident on 94 that closed down the entire outbound lane. As I'm driving past the wreckage, I look over and notice a bunch of people parked at the "Park and Ride" just standing around in the parking lot, WATCHING everything! Taking pictures with their Cell Phones! WTF??? I swear, if they had a grill, they'd have been cooking brats! Go home, people. It's morons like you who are holding up traffic and making things worse. Get a clue!

43. "Professional" Boxing - There was a time in my life when I loved watching boxing with my father. You know...back when it was a SPORT! These days, it's no longer a sport...it's a joke. In fact, I think that WWE Wrestling is less staged and more on the up and up. The two cases I'm most recently referring to involved Riddick Bowe's "comeback" fight against Billy Zumbrun. WTF? Bowe got his ASS handed to him and won the decision. Boxing is so desperate for "names" and "faces" that they let an old, crusty 300 pound ex-con get back into the ring. The other train wreck from recent weeks was Mike Tyson's (Thank God!) final attempt at a comeback. Please, Boxing...die already!

44. Christmas Music Deluge - I was sitting in West Towne Mall the day after HALLOWEEN and what do I hear? Fa la la la la, la la la la! CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!!! On November first!!!! I was sitting at the Fifties McDonald's the other day...two days after Thanksgiving. What do I hear? MORE CHRISTMAS MUSIC! I go in there to hear fifties music! Now, if it's Elvis Presley or The Beach Boys singing Christmas music, then fine...but enough already! Can't we at least wait until December 1st for the merriment to commence? Humbug!!!!

45. Commercials That Make You Hate The Product - Have you seen the new Old Navy commercials for the Holidays? I have... And while I never shop there anyway, they just guaranteed that I will NEVER shop there as long as I live. The same thing happened to me when Quizno's made the singing rats part of their ad campaign. Yep...no more Quizno's for me. Ever. Note to Marketing people: Commercials are supposed to make you WANT the product...not hate it.

46. Reality Television - Good Lord...there isn't a single television station on Network Television or Cable that doesn't have a reality show! Even TNT has one and they have almost no original programming! Is anyone else out there just about "realitied out?" Between reality television and the six versions of Law and Order and CSI, there's almost nothing worth watching on TV anymore! Thank God for movie channels and shows like Smallville on the WB. I'm looking forward to the demise of reality television. Aren't you?

47. Movies Based On TV Shows - Enough already! It's not bad enough that we've had "Charlie's Angels" and "Starsky and Hutch" and a dozen other stinkers...the trend continues! They're making movies about "The Six Million Dollar Man," "The A-Team" and pretty much every other television series that came out of the 70s and 80s. Give it a rest! You're killing me!!!!.

48. DVD Re-Releases - I learned early on in my DVD buying career not to buy a film unless it was a Special Edition. Why? Because you can sure as hell bet that if you buy a movie that's NOT a Special Edition, the SE of the film will be released a few months later and you're left holding the bag. Now the studios are making matters even worse. The latest trend? Release a Special Edition and then six months later release an even BETTER Special Edition. Two recent cases..."John Carpenter's The Thing" and "Hellboy." It amazes me the length that Hollywood will go to screw the consumer. WTF?

49. Brush Ups - What genius invented these? You take one out of the package, put it on your index finger and brush your teeth with it?!?!?!? You know, there's an easier way to take care of your teeth and your breath on the road...it's called Trident chewing gum. These things won't last long, mark my words. What is the world coming to?

50. Chronological Movie Trailers - Have you seen the trailer for "Flight of the Phoenix" yet? If you have, there's good news...you don't have to go see the movie! Yep, that's right...the first two thirds or more of the movie is spelled out chronologically in the trailer. The takeoff. The crash. The dilemma. The solution. The bad guys show up. The big storm. The trailer ends with the beginning of the climax of the movie...the rebuilt plane heading toward the cliff. Then it goes OFF the cliff. Will it fly? Gee...I wonder. Yep, I take it back...the ENTIRE movie is in the trailer. What are these people thinking? I haven't seen a trailer this bad since "Castaway." Here's a tip...you're supposed to tease the audience, not ruin the movie for them.

51. Inattentive Pedestrians - Okay...what's one of the first things you learn when you're a kid right after you learn how to walk? Why, that's right...LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET! If there's a more elementary life lesson, I don't know what the fuck it is. So why is it that more and more people are walking out in front of my car without even GLANCING my way first? I just don't get it. You versus car. You WILL lose. For these morons, I give you the famous song from Porky's - "When you go to cross the street, watch out where you put your feet. Look both ways and be alert, 'cuz if a car hits you it's...gonna hurt. Safety. Safety. It's a safe, safe way to be." Learn it. Know it. Live it. Morons.

52. The Diamond Conspiracy - You love her. You want to marry her. She wants a big diamond on her finger to SHOW how much you love her. Sweet, right? Well, it would be sweet if diamonds were actually WORTH anything. Useful? Nope. Unless you like "shiny" things. Rare? Nope. There are dumptrucks and warehouses full of diamonds all over the world waiting for release so as not to flood the market and lower the price. Yes, folks, diamonds comprise the biggest case of "artificial demand" in the world. They're expensive, why? Because DIAMOND COMPANIES say they are. That's the only reason... Don't believe me? Read this. God Bless Captitalism.

53. The Curse of PG-13 - Ah, money...it's what makes the world go 'round. Nowhere is this more evident than when a studio forces a PG-13 rating on a movie that should get an R in order to broaden the audience and make more money. Case in point - Alien vs. Predator. Huh? Predator and Predator 2 were rated R. All four Alien movies were rated R. The epic battle that brings them together? PG fucking 13. Good lord. Shameless, I say! Nice to see it's getting a fabulous 8% "fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes right now.

54. Invisible Stop Signs - You know what I'm talking about... You're stopped at a Stop sign and someone comes along to the intersection and DOESN'T have a Stop sign, but they stop anyway...and look at you. You sit there because you HAVE to stop. They start waving you on. You wave them on. They don't go. You start to go. They start to go. You both stop. Just go, dumb ass!!!! You DON'T HAVE A STOP SIGN!!!!! Erg...

55. Merging Traffic - How difficult is this? When you see a sign that says "Left Lane Closed Ahead," get in the friggin' right lane. Like "right" f***ing now. Don't wait until you're on top of the flashing arrow at the front of the line and then sit there like a moron with your turn signal on waiting for someone to let you in. Guess what? It's morons like you that are the reason traffic is backed up for three miles at every instance of road construction. Just merge when you see the first sign that says merge and all will be right with the world. And no one will dig in their glove compartments for their handguns, either.

56. Fad Diets - Do you have any idea how tired I am of seeing "Atkins Friendly" and "Low Carb" every single place I go? Pretty damned tired! It's really not THAT difficult to lose weight, in general. Seriously. There's a little thing called "portion control" that people (read: Americans) should try. I started doing little things like ordering a Whopper instead of a Double Whopper with Cheese and only eating 1/3 of my French Fries instead of stuffing my face with an entire large order. Guess what? I've lost 15 lbs so far! Switch to Lite Beer. Switch to Diet Soda or water. Don't snack with a candy bar. It adds up. You'll lose weight, still get plenty to eat and you don't have to look like a total bandwagoning tree hugger in the process! And that's the important thing, right? =)

57. Lack Of Journalistic Integrity - Okay, so I'm sitting in the theater before Spider-Man 2 and there's an advertisement for someone's new solo album. According to the ad, Rolling Stone praised it as "The most OFF-THE-HOOK solo effort in years." Um...WTF? Off-The-Hook? Are you KIDDING ME? Does Rolling Stone not have a Thesaurus? Why not say the album's good, great, fantastic, solid, inspired, worth owning, unbelievable, etc. etc.? Who the hell is going to know what "Off-The-Hook" means in 10 years? No one. It sickens me to see Rolling Stone and other publications trying to be "hip" and "cool" like Stuart Scott (who's not cool, by the way) on ESPN. Give it a rest. Your attempts to sound cool are definitely not cool.

58. Chain E-Mails - Hmmm... This is a case where otherwise rational adults get tricked into doing the spamming FOR the spammers. FYI...Bill Gates does not care about you, your phone will not ring after forwarding the e-mail to 10 friends, shampoo does not cause cancer and you will not get a check in the mail for $1000 from the Nambian government (or any other government) for passing the e-mail along to your friends and co-workers. Do everyone a favor and delete these...don't send them out.

59. Smoking Bans - Give me a break... I can see banning smoking in restaurants, but in BARS??? I went out to Los Angeles last year and you coudln't smoke there. A similar law was recently passed in New York city and now they're considering a smoking ban here in Madison. Are you kidding me???? What's next? Quartering troops in our homes? Capitalism solves this, you know? If there were a demand for non-smoking bars, someone might actually open one. Guess what? Any bar that marketed itself as non-smoking would go out of business in no time. Get a clue.

60. Full Screen DVD Releases - Why? Why? WHY do people still release DVDs in Full Screen? I just don't get it... Do people not understand that you're missing 25 or 30% of the film's scope when you watch it in full frame mode? If you want proof that Full Screen sucks, watch Ghostbusters the next time it's on regular television. The horrible "pan and scan" on that film is some of the worst ever. It made a believer out of me. Someone should pass a law or something. Current biggest joke = Indiana Jones trilogy Full Screen. WTF?

61. Greatest of all Time Lists - Why do publications insist on making these lists? Especially if you're not going to preface it with "in Joe Blow writer's opinion?" Rolling Stone is the absolute worst offender... Greatest Guitarists, Greatest Rock Albums, Greatest This and That. These morons couldn't find their ass with both hands, so what would they know about great music? Right. Nothing. Now I just read "Greatest" lists for a laugh. Sometimes that's all you can do...laugh.

62. Northerners Without Ice Scrapers - C'mon now... It's winter. Where's your ice scraper? I love these people out driving with a one foot by one foot (maybe) patch cleared off of their windshield with all of their side windows and their back window still covered with snow and ice (not to mention their headlights). What are these people thinking? Probably something along the lines of "Gee, I'd really like to win a Darwin award this year."

63. Drivers Applying Make-Up - In the interest of being inclusive, I won't say "Women" applying make-up while driving. I'm sure there are men who do this too...probably KISS fans. This is right up there will people driving while on their cell phones. Guess you won't get rammed from behind, but what's in front of you? Oh yeah...it's me. Morons.

64. Loud Drunks - Ever been in a bar and come away deaf because some jerkoff can't use his "inside voice?" I have... I wasn't aware that alcohol affected hearing. Maybe it doesn't... Maybe it just stimulates the "asshole center" in people's brains.

65. Delivery & Service Windows - So...you're trying to tell me that if I want cable hooked up at my residence, you can be there sometime between 8am and NOON? WTF? Not 8am and 9am or 11am and Noon? The best part is, if you're running late and get home at 8:15am, they'll already have been there and gone, but if you stay the whole time, they'll show up at Noon...or worse: 12:30pm! I just find it hard to believe they can't narrow it down better than that. Whatever happened to the customer being right? You have the "right" to wait for us, apparently.

66. Selection of the Month - What is it with movie and book clubs and their selection of the month? This package will arrive at your door and you're thinking "What the hell is this? Did I order something and forget about it?" So you open the thing only to find out that it's some piece of crap you don't want... God forbid they make it so you can easily get to the invoice to see what it is BEFORE you open it. I wish there was a way to say "Never send me the selection of the month" so you could just do away with the hassle entirely.

67. Returning Used/Broken Items To The Store - I went to Shopko the other day to buy a Pur water filter for my kitchen faucet. I didn't notice that the box was opened, so I bought it and took it home only to find that the filter was out of its sealed package and was COMPLETELY USED UP! Someone had taken the filter home, installed it, ran it for a month and then brought it back. They even put the filter itself in a ziplock bag so water wouldn't leak out of it. WTF? Why do people do shit like this?

68. Seat Belt Detractors - Wearing your seatbelt seems like the most obvious thing, doesn't it? Yet for some reason, there are people out there who don't wear their seatbelts because "what if I get in a crash and I can't get out of the car?" OH MY GOD!!! They read about one person out of a million who gets trapped in a burning or submerged vehicle and their seatbelt jams and suddenly they think "this could happen to me!" Forget the fact that the reason they survived the initial crash was because of the seatbelt. I guess ultimately what these people are saying is "I'd like to die instantly if I get in a crash." Good Lord... The only thing worse is people who don't wear their seatbelts because they don't want to wrinkle their clothes.

69. Bling, Bling - Is this not the stupidest expression ever? I about pissed my pants when I saw this phrase on the cover of People magazine recently to describe some jewelry that B-Lo gave to J-Lo. Oh. My. God. WTF? And to think I used to have respect for People's journalistic integrity! Bling, Bling is just more proof that Americans are getting dumber every year. I guess it's just too difficult for the average 16 year old to spell accessories. Christ.

70. Fire Lane "Invent A Parking Space" People - I love these people who park in the fire lane in front of a business because "they just have to run in for a sec." Just park in a normal space and walk you lazy bastard. What is your problem, anyway? There's a reason there's no parking there. Way to make things difficult for the fire department and people who have to walk around you because you're blocking the entrance. Erg...

71. People Who Go Straight In A Turn Only Lane - My wife requested that I point out these morons. Few driving experiences are worse than being stuck behind some jackass in a turn only lane who waits for the light so he can go straight. I've been tempted to get out of the car and walk up to the driver's side window on more than one occasion. Turn, damn it!

72. Movie Morons Volume II & III - People that pay for a matinee and then sneak into one or more movies after that really bother me. "Hey, I can go to three movies for five bucks, ain't I cool?" No, moron, you're not cool. You're a thief. And you're dumb. Worse yet is when these bozos bring BACKPACKS into the theater and you have to listen to soda cans "crack" open along with the crumpling of the giant Doritos bag they carried in. I could just SCREAM!!!! If you're going to be stupid, stay home. Don't expose ME to your stupidity.

73. Garage Sale Hagglers - You know exactly who I'm talking about. These are the people that pick up a $30.00 pair of Levis with the tags still on them that are marked three bucks and they bring them up to you and say "will you take a dollar for these?" No, I won't take a f***ing dollar for those. They're brand new! Never worn! You're saving $25.00 already. Three bucks is too much for you? Jesus... The worst part? After you say "no," they put them back. Morons...

74. Lottery Ticket Scratchers - You've seen these bozos, right? The guys who buy ten scratch off lottery tickets and then sit at the counter in the convenience store and scratch them with a penny taken from the "share a penny" jar? Yeah, I f***ing hate these guys. You stand in line behind them and they keep you from checking out your stuff because they inevitably win a few bucks and trade them in for, you guessed it, MORE lottery tickets. Man, that's annoying. Take 'em home, pal, and get the hell out of my way.

75. Using L337 5p34k In Corporate Correspondence - Okay, let's say you want a job or you want something from a company in terms of service. Are you going to send them a letter that reads like a bowl of Alpha Bits? I don't think so... Yet every day I get e-mails that say: "I wuz br0wzing ur w3bs1t3 and wuz w0nd3r1ng 1f U n33d3d any b3t4 t3sters? 1 4m l33t and h4v3 m4d sk1llz." Huh? WTF? Words fail me... It's even worse when someone writes asking about a tour or EVEN WORSE, asking about a JOB!!!!! What the hell are kids learning these days in school? Nothing, apparently... *sigh*

76. TicketBastard - I finally understand why Pearl Jam had such a beef with TicketMaster, or as I like to call them: TicketBastard, a few years back. I ordered my KISS/Aerosmith tickets the other day and they have a face value of $45.00 each. Imagine my surprise when I get the final bill and there's an $8.00 "convenience" charge PER TICKET tacked onto the order! WTF is up with that? Tack on the $3.00 each parking charge along with tax and shipping and handling and you're looking at $57.50 PER TICKET!!!! Man, someone should sic the government on these pricks with an anti-trust suit.

77. Car Stereo Blasters - There's nothing quite like some punk kid with a car stereo that's worth more than the car he's driving. Ooh...blasting your stereo in the McDonald's parking lot is sooooo cool and soooo impressive. Get a life, man. Don't subject me to your crappy Eminem records, okay?

78. SUV-Owning Road Hogs - Nothing irritates me more than pulling up to an intersection to turn left only to have an SUV pull up on the right and block my view of approaching traffic. Correct me if I'm wrong, but one of the main reasons people like SUV's is because they sit higher off the ground so they can see over cars. If you can see over my little car anyway, why pull way out and block my view? I swear, if I could get a turret mounted on the old Cavalier, I'd do it.

79. Turning Circles - No, I'm not talking about the Judas Priest song from Point of Entry. I'm talking about the turning circles for cars, mainly found in residential areas. Are they really that hard to understand? Or are people just too lazy to go around them the long way? I can't tell you how many times I've had to stop my car, back up and wait for some moron to finish his illegal "inside turn" through the circle. Get a clue, people! Take the extra five seconds, go the right way and stay out of MY way.

80. Disrespectful Punk Kids - What is it with kids these days? We're at Great America and this kid goes into the Men's bathroom, pisses all over the toilet seat, then comes out of the bathroom laughing and trying to impress his friends with his tale of misfiring (on purpose) urine. The thought of assault charges was the only thing keeping me from dragging this little bastard back into the bathroom and using him bodily to clean off the seat. Man, I could have just killed that kid... What are parents teaching their kids these days? Not much, apparently...

81. Line Jumpers - So...again, we're at Great America and we've been waiting in line for about 25 minutes when these two punk kids start pushing their way through the crowd to the front of the line. I blocked their way and was like "where are you two jerkoffs going?" They tried to get past me, but my friend Will blocked their path as well. They claimed they were meeting his parents up at the front of the line. We laughed and sent them back the way they came. I swear...these people should be shot.

82. Giving 110% - This really drives me nuts. Isn't it good enough to say you're going to give 100% to what you're doing? 110% may apply to hard numbers like taxes and money and inflation and whatever, but can you really give 110% of EFFORT? I think not... The max you can do is the max you can do. You may be able to train harder and do individual tasks at 110% capacity, but can you really "give 110% to the project?" I think not. Stop saying it. How about "I'll do my best," instead?

83. Smoking At The Gas Pumps - So I'm coming back from Texas and driving through backwater Oklahoma when this guy gets out of his truck at the gas station puffing on a cigarette. I yell over to him, "Hey jerkoff! Put out that cigarette." He promptly tells me to fuck off. I tell him "If you want to kill yourself and blow up a city block, go nuts. Just wait 'til I've paid for my gas and am on the road again." By God, he put it out. Darwinism and Natural Selection were about to take care of this chump for me. I'm just glad I wasn't in the blast radius. Moron.

84. Trough Urinals - Whose brilliant invention was this? You know what I'm talking about... You're at a stadium or a county fair, etc. and you go into the men's bathroom and find a steel trough, often arranged in a circle so there's nothing to shield your *ahem* activities from other men. It's a universal truth that men under 60 often get "stage fright" when urinating. That said, I've come to the conclusion that the trough urinal was invented by a woman. WTF? When I'm supreme master of the universe, I will make it so all urinals are installed with metal dividers between them. Violation of this design will be punishable by death.

85. Anti-War Protestors Getting Out Of Hand - You want to exercise your right to free speech? Go nuts... You want to burn American Flags and wave nasty signs? Go nuts... You want to rip on America and make an ass of yourself on televison? Go nuts... But if you want to mob public streets to the point of shutting down traffic and walk into military recruiting offices and light pamphlets on fire, GO THE F*** HOME! I love these morons who disturb the peace, break the law and then complain about getting arrested. Yeah, the cops are evil. You weren't doing anything wrong were you? Why don't you jerkoffs go do something productive and pick up litter or volunteer at a homeless shelter? And rather than try to raise bail money for your asshole buddy who just got thrown in the clink, why don't you take that $1500 and donate that to an area soup kitchen? Did it ever occur to you people that if 100 police officers are babysitting you because you can't behave yourself that that's 100 less police officers patrolling your neighborhoods and protecting you from criminals? Christ...

86. Websites That Require Registration - I'm just not a big fan of the whole "Free Registration Required" thing. A) It's a hassle. B) Enough people have my e-mail address as it is. and C) It's annoying to click on a link to see a news story only to have the "You suck. You must register" message flash on your screen. If you're going to charge for the service, registration is fine. If the content is ultimately free, LOSE THE REGISTRATION PAGE!!!!

87. Pompous Local Government Officials - The Madison (Wisconsin) city council passed a resolution that (no shit) opposes war in Iraq. Huh? Do you honestly think that the U.S. Government gives a shit what the Madison city council thinks? I don't, either. Do something useful and help the Governor balance the state budget. Morons...

88. Coin-Op Overcharge - I'm waiting to play some billiards at the local Old Chicago and I spot a machine that has the classic arcade versions of Centipede, Millipede and Missile Command. I figure it's time to defend the world, so I select Missile Command, put in a quarter and press start. Nothing. I look at the screen and it says 1/2 credit, please insert coin. WHAT???? Give me a break. It's Missile Command, for Chrissake.

89. Annoying Check Writers - Why, oh why, do you people wait until everything is rung up and a total appears on the register before you even LOOK for your checkbook and pen? I waited in line for 10 minutes at PetsMart on Sunday for some woman to dig out her checkbook, find a pen, write the check, confirm all of the addresses and phone numbers, balance her checkbook on the spot, then put everything back in her 200 lb purse before I could even set down the 50lb bag of dog food I was carrying. I nearly bashed her over the head with it... Use the VISA check card or fill out the date, the store name and the signature and have your ID ready BEFORE they're done ringing you up. Bastards... You've been warned.

90. Hypocritical Tree Huggers - I saw an SUV the other day with a license plate that said "SV R ERTH." This is attached to a vehicle that gets about 12 miles to a gallon of gasoline, MAYBE. How stupid is that? You wanna put a license plate like that on your Geo Metro, go nuts.

91. Cell Phone (Ab)users - Show some respect (and restraint) people!. Do I really need to hear you discuss family problems on your cell phone in the middle of a crowded restaurant? Do you really need to know what kind of milk to buy when standing in the store? Do you really need to talk on your phone while you're driving in your car? Do you really need to give your 12 year old kid a cell phone with unlimited minutes? No, you don't. Do yourself a favor. Do ME a favor. Knock it off!

92. People Who Don't Put Their Shopping Carts Away - Is it that tough? There's usually a cart rack in every other row in the store parking lot. Walk the extra ten feet and put it away. 99% of the population can use the exercise anyway.

93. People Who Don't Signal - Forget world peace and visualize using your turn signal! How many people out there DON'T use their turn signal? I'm guessing it's probably 75% of all licensed drivers. I wish they'd start handing out $500 tickets for not signaling. That would solve the problem real quick.

94. People Who Talk In The Theatre - What the hell is the point of going to a movie theatre if you're going to carry on a two hour conversation with your buddy and NOT watch the movie? Take your ten bucks and go sit in a Starbucks for God's sake. I don't care if YOU'VE seen the movie before. I haven't…

95. The "Can you hear me now? Good." Verizon Guy - For the love of all that's holy, STOP! I can't take it anymore! I want to see a Reebok Terry Tate commercial about triple T laying the smack down on that guy. Enough already.

96. Fair Weather Fans - Hey, that's a nice Tampa Bay Buccaneers jacket you've got there. Did you just buy that? Give me a break. Have you ever even BEEN to Tampa Bay?

97. Crazy Grocery Shoppers - Did you need to hit me with your cart? Do you need to block the whole aisle? Do you need to push me out of the way to get that perfect box of Pop Tarts? Do you need to argue with the cashier over a nickel? GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!

98. Little Kids Ordering At McDonalds - I realize that if you want to socialize your child, you need to let him learn to do things for himself. HOWEVER...don't take little Jimmy up to the counter and say "tell the nice man what you want" if you haven't discussed it with him first. I sat in line for five minutes waiting for a little dude to comprehend where he was, what kind of food there was and what he wanted before he could effectively relay it to the gentleman working the register. Parents, either order for your child or make sure he knows what he wants before you get in line. That's not too tough, is it?

99. People Who Don't Tip - Throw a buck or two at your pizza delivery guy or at your waiter/waitress. A low-ball tip is still better than stiffing the person whose wage generally relies on tips. Imagine if your cushy desk job required tips in order to feed your family. Think about it... No, Steve Buscemi's character in Reservoir Dogs wasn't right about tipping. He was a jerkoff.

100. Disney's Communist Moratorium Manifesto - Hey, let's release a movie for a few months, then create an artificial demand for it by pulling it from the shelves for 10 years. Bastards... As a result, I'm buying every Disney DVD as it comes out because when I have kids in a year or two, most of the classics won't be available. That's what pisses me off the most. Their BS sales scheme WORKS!